​Attitude is Everything: A Three-Fold Plan

Water rages down the mountains in Yosemite. It is beautiful - and very dangerous. Our attitude and sense of reason dictate whether we are swept away or admire from a safe distance.

“Attitude is everything, take a good one where you go,
It’s up to you to keep a happy mood--
And everything depends upon your attitude!”
 
These are the lyrics of a song my older daughter learned in first grade and performed for parents and other kids. I loved it! Countless times I have sung this song to my two daughters when they were small, and I was just reminded of it again during the current coronavirus pandemic. Though the song is a bit over the top in its cheerfulness, the message rings true:  Everything depends upon your attitude, especially in times of crisis.
 
When I first heard this song, it was shortly before I began my journey into Stoicism. At the time I was investigating psychology and mindfulness. I was learning self-awareness, but there was still something missing. And for me, what was lacking was the sense of balance and reason within, and the courage to take charge of my own responses to a world that often felt cruel and unfair. 
 
I have experienced that sinking sense of the world’s cruelty since I was very young, when my dad first became sick. A kind, intelligent, and loving person, accomplished as a mathematician, Dad was in and out of medical care for years as I grew up. He died much too soon. It was a terrible thing to realize that I had no control over what happened to someone I cared about so deeply.
 
That creeping sense of the insecurity of life is back now with the coronavirus. The virus has actively spread in my Northern California county, where residents and visitors come from all over the world to work at/with Silicon Valley tech companies. 
 
The heavily trafficked freeways have now gone largely quiet as a “shelter-in-place” order covers our region. My colleagues from work are holed up in their own remote locations, trying to limit any contact with the wider world. (It reminds me of people in Cold War bomb shelters… or under house arrest.) East Coast relatives are also staying home whenever possible, and temperatures are now being taken to enter grocery stores and offices.

I’ve heard from friends in France dealing with massive lockdowns, rarely able to leave their apartments. The stories coming out of Italy right now, where we have colleagues, are sad and shocking. China seems to be improving but is far from back to normal; a coworker from there says that in the US, we are about two months or so behind that country in dealing with this.
 
And I just heard about a college classmate in New York, a healthy marathon runner in his mid-forties, now sedated and placed on a ventilator. He is struggling to recover from Covid-19.
 
Every day brings fresh insults—new tidbits of information that, taken in a certain way, can be very traumatizing. If you’re an admitted news junkie like me, you find yourself obsessively scrolling though stories about how the virus is affecting every aspect of life in every corner of the world. And that’s just too much information for one brain to handle.
 
How do we determine what a reasonable risk may be in these circumstances? It may feel as if our sense of reason is askew or even broken at times. Who is to know what’s paranoid under these circumstances? Friends of mine won’t see foot outside their homes. Several have told me about elder relatives who insist on shopping, whom they are begging to stop going to Walgreens. 
 
Our kids are another issue. How to help them depends on their ages, personalities, and school circumstances. It’s a time of crisis. How much do we direct our children to do in this time, to prompt them to continue their school work remotely, in some cases without a teacher or classmates to guide them? I read an opinion piece the other day written by a mom who refused to run a “homeschool" for her third graders. She allowed them to play and watch movies. I get it! Kids need downtime and can use the break, especially if they are surrounded stress. 
 
But what if you have older students nearing high school, or ones already in high school—students who want to be sure to fulfill graduation requirements, and apply to college someday? That’s the situation I find myself in. I’m working to support my kids’ learning, while still working remotely for my full-time job. 
 
As one of my coworkers pointed out, this is a difficult time because of the high uncertainty and the lack of control we are experiencing. For those very reasons, it is the right time to practice our philosophy. 
 
Aside from the hygiene, distancing, and protective practices that can help isolate the disease, and aside from working to support our families, all we can really manage are our own attitudes. 
 
So how do we keep it all in balance? It’s not easy, and a daily emotional roller-coaster is very normal, even as an aspiring Stoic (after all, I’m not a sage!). But I am seeking to approach this rationally as best I can, and to use strategies based on a Stoic-inspired life. To keep my attitude in reasonably good shape, I have a three-fold plan:

• Remember and honor our common humanity. Keep communicating with other people, with your friends, family, social network, coworkers, despite this odd “social distancing” regime that's necessitated by the virus. Text someone. Give that person you usually see every week or two a call. FaceTime a relative. My in-laws learned to use Zoom this weekend. Write an email and include a photo. Or even send an-old fashioned, handmade card or note through the mail. What’s old is new again when we can’t see each other in person.
• Cultivate awareness, rooted in self-control and the Stoic View from Above. Awareness means living in this moment, not fretting constantly about tomorrow. It means controlling our fear and negative emotions, turning our thoughts away from the stressful, emotionally distraught spiral and back to what we can do, purposefully, today. The View from Above is a simple exercise of allowing your mind to float up into the space above your home, your neighborhood, your town. When viewed from a distance, your problems seem smaller and more manageable. You also realize that everyone else has problems too, and in the current case, many of the same ones! Seated meditation is a good way to clear one's mind, and this View from Above practice is one of many that can help us gain perspective.
• Aim to practice the virtues. Aside from self-control (see above), the other ancient Stoic virtues are wisdom, justice, and courage. Above all we need courage, as we face this disease and the social and economic stress it is causing without panicking. But also justice: Let’s remember, as we sit at home relatively comfortably, all those who have no home, or who share their home with someone abusive or cruel. How can we help? I’m donating to a few local nonprofit orgs that help the vulnerable in my community, and plan to give more... but I wish there was more I could do. About wisdom: We can acknowledge that this kind of outbreak is how the world works sometimes; that we must have patience; and remind ourselves that we can, each in our own way, work on strengthening our psychological/physical natures to be battle-ready if the worst happens. 

 
And one more note: Please don’t hesitate to write back about how you are coping, and any advice you have during this difficult time, or to share it on social media forums or posts. Our virtual community can be a great help to those working to live out this philosophy right now!

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